Tantra Principles: The Polarities

In the next weeks will have a couple of articles about some principles in Neo Tantra and how we look at them here at GayLoveSpirit.

 Part 1: The polarities

My first encounters with tantra in the 90s were of course all in straight workshops, with straight leaders and straight participants.

My boyfriend and I were the only gay men, and we were much sought after as play partners by the women, who could trust us because we certainly wouldn’t assault them.

The facilitators were very open to us. The traditional tantra philosophy, of course, only envisages women and men. But look closer: It is about roles and qualities that are commonly associated with the attributes of male and female.

Normally, our human state of consciousness is in a duality, so that we experience reality as you and me, positive and negative, black and white, hot and cold.  When we move to nonduality, we come into the consciousness of oneness. Many of us, of course, have experienced this on spiritual journeys or when consuming certain substances.

Therefore, polarity and “sacred union” in a tantric ritual are fundamental principles in tantra. From the consciousness of oneness, or God, arises two-ness, or duality. These two phenomena are called Shiva and Shakti. Shiva stands for the principle of pure consciousness and alignment, and Shakti, the principle of energy, power and manifestation.

In the spiritual dimension of sexuality and in sexual neo-tantra (also knows as red tantra), we achieve oneness when Shiva and Shakti become one and unite through intentional practices, rituals and lovemaking. David Deida (author of “Finding God through Sex”) describes this duality as the banks of a river – “Shiva” – and the water flowing in it – “Shakti”. The banks stop the river, but the river also cuts the banks.

 Let us now look more closely at the field of polarities. We can further categorise:

Etc. etc.

Growing up in a world defined by the traditional values of the 19th and 20th centuries, we all too easily identify with the left side if we have a penis and the right side if we have a vagina. All hybrids are then usually forcibly pigeonholed into one.

As soon as we set out on the path of self-awareness, we realise that the categorisations are only useful to describe certain moments. We are permanently in a perpetual state of flux – while physical sex may be a static state (with the addition that scalpels and hormone treatments can also change it), all energetic and emotional characterisations are constantly flowing snapshots. As a kung-fu fighter, you can do a two-hour, hard, “manly” workout and then nurse your baby at the breast.  We live in a constant change of energy flows, which is permanently influenced by many factors: The external environment (things, homes, vehicles, landscapes, weather, other living beings, food), people (colleagues, friends, lovers, partners, relatives, etc.) which evoke emotions, sleep, hormones, thought patterns, everything sensual (colours, smells, sounds, etc.) and of course the interactions that occur in our encounters and actions with other people.

If you have ever danced 5 rhythms, you have danced your way through the individual phases, which can easily be connected to the categories.

Perhaps these categories are sometimes useful to describe a phenomenon. If you identify yourself as a penis-holder with the left side and a vagina-holder with the right, that is your right, but this mental choice will lead to a very strong self-limitation and does not reflect natural realities. This choice creates a myth.

In the heteronormative tantra world, a woman and a man are needed, who then enter the respective ritual in the Shakti/Shiva roles. Usually a gender balance is ensured here, because according to this way of thinking, a penis and a vagina are needed for each ritual. So this is where the second myth is born.

 Our 21st century experience says otherwise. It is natural to celebrate neo-tantric encounters in a woman-woman pair or in a man-man pair or in other LGBTQIA+ constellations. These diverse experiences disprove myth 2.