In my first part I described how I came in touch with tantra and my very first experience in a workshop. Today I like to write about my second important experience I made.
I remember it was my first tantra workshop in Berlin in summer 2013. It was already in the middle of the 5 day workshop and we had an exercise blind folded naked on a pile of mattresses on the floor. It was more a game play. We should start off playing puppies on the floor touching, smelling and cuddling each other.
Suddenly a strong feeling was overwhelming me. Lying there on the mattress naked, blind folded I had a rush of rejection. It was so strong that I felt paralysed not being able to move any more. I got really scared and I felt I had to get up and run away from all this.
Yes, this was my pattern. It gets emotionally difficult and I run away. A moment I thought, ok lets analyse. Nobody is seeing me, Nobody knows who am I on the floor, we are all blind folded. Why do I get this panic feelings?
So I took a big breath to calm down. I thought I should use this moment – not to run away – rather then looking at it. So I did.
I really felt it, that this rejection is not coming from the others, no its coming from my inside. Its me, I “produce” this rejection feelings myself. There is no need for this! I was overwhelmed from this feelings, suddenly I had the rest of my puzzle done. Oh, what a gift!
Afterwards I felt so proud of me, that I did not run away. I let it go and stayed, I could look into my rejection feelings.
I cried after this exercise a lot and some of the trainers were holding me the whole time to support me. What a beautiful feeling, what a relief.
The Session worked in me for weeks after this and I had to think about this all the time.
I felt unbelievable free after this experience, it felt so good, I was feeling like a new person ever since this moment.
I will never, ever forget this experience and I had to thank the group of the beautiful men and me, to get over with this kind of rejection feelings, –
I don’t need them anymore in my life!